It is what it is


What day is today? It’s today.
My favorite day, said Pooh.

The other day, a client used this phrase in a completely new context. For her, it meant she is learning to accept that certain things are outside her control and not waste her emotional or physical energy on them. This is opposite to feeling helpless in life – which is what most people express through this phase.

In coaching, we call this the Outcome Frame – what part of this situation is under your control? Are there parts that are outside of your control that you could make controllable through creative approaches? At the end, we can only change what is under our control.

Number one under your control is yourself. How you react to things, how you let them affect you, what you learn from them.

Many reasons why we are not good at controlling ourselves, primarily shooting from the emotional part of our brain aka knee jerk reactions to emotional triggers. Observing yourself and understanding what happens is the 1st step towards self mastery.

Developing and mastering new good habits is a lot like getting off an addiction – you want it, there are people who can help you but in the end these new habits have to survive in stressful situations.

A coach holds this simple agenda for you: My new self and how to move towards it every day.

It is what it is.

Find out what you want in life and make sure to get it


As a career and life coach, I always work on improving my 30 second elevator pitch – what do I do and why should you consider working with a coach?

1st step: Find out what you want in life

As life accelerates with a demanding career, children and a rich social life, we travel on a fast moving river.  Sometimes we hit serious rapids where adrenalin peaks and survival instincts prevail. In their 30’s, most people focus on building their empires – social status, wealth, public recognition.  Sometime past 40 the question of  “is this enough” starts popping up. Yes, we used to call that midlife crisis. I prefer to call it awakening to your true self.

What are the signs? Different representations but something is off balance, a sense of missed opportunities, maybe seeking new thrills (physical and emotional), an obsession with something that is not or even physical ailments.

What do you want in life is hidden under a well-knit layer of beliefs: I should/ I could not possibly / what will people think / some one has to bring in the bacon …

If we peel away years of living up to someone else’s expectations, your true self is revealed. Being on course with your very own Life Purpose becomes a possibility.  If we are on Purpose, we are fulfilled. It’s that simple and not quite so easy.

2nd step: Do you really want this ?

Change is painful – it is hard work and it will shift the relationships you have. But a wonderful thing is guaranteed to happen: you will meet your Tribe and everyone within it is loving, caring and there for you.

I recently met my tribe after someone had pushed some deeply hidden triggers of insecurity and self doubt in me. Sharing this experience with my coach allowed me to strongly connect with my tribe and become fearless –  rejection and failure is a door to a new world, the one we belong to.

The Formula for Change

Who should seek a coach? If your Desire to Change is bigger than your Resistance to Change:

Dissatisfaction x Vision x 1st Step > Resistance to change

How to find a coach

Interview several and have sample sessions. You want to make sure you have a rapport with your coach and can have the basis for respect and trust. Ask for a sample session. Ask for references. And at the end, trust your “gut” feeling in this process.

Know what you want in a coach. Do you have a male or female, or age preference for your coach? Are there specific personal styles that you are drawn to? To the extent you can articulate clearly what you are looking for, you can find your match faster.

Know what you need. Coaching is not therapy. Make sure you understand the difference between the two and are really seeking the right venue for your needs.

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